Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs

 






 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


notascool.wav(370K) notascool.mp3(370K) notascool.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal (Seth Rogen): "We went to, uh, Tijuana, Mexico, you know, and we-we-we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. Everyone's, 'You gotta check out one of these shows. And, you know, it's a woman bleeping a horse. We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome and it is not a cool as it sounds like it would be, man. It is-it's-- It's kind of gross.'"
Andy Stitzer: "Yeah."
Cal: "You think, 'A woman bleeping a horse' and you get there and it's... it's a woman bleeping a horse."
Andy: "Yep."
Cal: "It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her."
Andy: "Yeah."
Cal: "Kind of felt bad for the horse."


eggsaladsandwich.wav(445K) eggsaladsandwich.mp3(445K) eggsaladsandwich.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "God, Friday, when I went home, I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those.' So-so, Saturday I went out and got, like, a dozen eggs and I boiled them all and then I just I-I spent, I don't know, probably three hours... like three and a half hours making you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika and, you know, all the accoutrement. And then by the time I was done I just really didn't feel like eating it."
Cal: "I can imagine."
Andy: "And I didn't have any bread. So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a pretty good weekend."
Cal: "Sounds pretty awesome."
Andy: "Yeah, it was-- it was fine."
Cal: "Sounds really fun. Cool!"
Andy: "Cool."
Cal: "Cool, cool."


yahmobthere.wav(448K) yahmobthere.mp3(448K) yahmobthere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David (Paul Rudd): "Hey, Paula?"
Paula (Jane Lynch): "Yeah?"
David: "I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight, off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store, and put a bullet in my brain."
Paula: "David, what do you suggest we play?"
David: "I don't care. Anything. I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time, I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground."
Paula: "You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor."
David: "(couching) bleep you. Oh. (clears throat)"


yahmoburnthisplace.wav(114K) yahmoburnthisplace.mp3(114K) yahmoburnthisplace.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time, I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground."


spiltblood.wav(175K) spiltblood.mp3(175K) spiltblood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay (Romany Malco): "Sick of you poaching my customers."
Mooj (Gerry Bednob): "I'm sick of your crybaby bullbleep."
Jay: "You wanna take this bleep outside? You wanna just take it outside and squash it?"
Mooj: "Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a-- what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from it's sheath I can't return it until it has spilled blood."




brooklyn.wav(205K) brooklyn.mp3(205K) brooklyn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban."
Mooj: "Oh, turban now? Do you see any bleeping turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, 'Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?' bleep you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a bleeping Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?!"


serialmurderer.wav(146K) serialmurderer.mp3(146K) serialmurderer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that he is a serial murderer."
David: "Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. I jist wanna get drunk, bleeped up, and play some cards."
Cal: "That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade in some creapy apartment, that's what I'm saying."


thisishogBLEEP.wav(189K) thisishogBLEEP.mp3(189K) thisishogBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mooj: "Why did you invite this guy? He's a bleeping ringer, man. This is hog bleep. You, you're a bleeping bleephole to tell me to come here. You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? Well, bleep you people, and bleep you, you and you, bleeping kiss my big brown bleeping ass, okay?"
Jay: "I'm gonna see you tomorrow."
Cal: "Peace"
Jay: "Alright, man."
Mooj: "bleep a goat!"


ilovetitties.wav(49K) ilovetitties.mp3(49K) ilovetitties.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "She had the-- her tits were were unbelievable."
Andy: "Oh, man, I love titties. So..."


hearthatBLEEP.wav(208K) hearthatBLEEP.mp3(208K) hearthatBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart."
Jay: "Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 'Sharing the same heart,' that's like some Britney Speas bleep, man. This is three grown-ass men, don't nobody want to hear that bleep."
Andy: "Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that bleep."


ialwayssay.wav(110K) ialwayssay.mp3(110K) ialwayssay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "You-you broke up two years ago. You, like, get over it at some point."
Cal: "Two years, man."
Andy: "You need to get past that, because, no ass is worth thinkin' that much about... I always say."


nastiest.wav(387K) nastiest.mp3(387K) nastiest.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I don't kiss and tell."
Jay: "bleep it, I raise you. Nastiest bleep you've ever done. I'm talkin' about nasty."
Andy: "Uh, wow. So many stories are running through my head right now. I dated this girl for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. She was like, any time of day, she was like: 'Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty!' And I'd be nailing her."
Jay: "Oh, bleep."
Andy: "She'd be like: 'Oh, you're nailing me. Cool.'"


talkdirty.wav(219K) talkdirty.mp3(219K) talkdirty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "She talk dirty to you?"
Andy: "Oh, she loved to dirty-talk. Totally into it. She'd be like: 'Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna bleep.' God, it was so dirty. She'd be like, 'Me so horny, me love you long time.' So..."


igotfriends.wav(124K) igotfriends.mp3(124K) igotfriends.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Dude, are you gay?"
Andy: "No, I'm net gay. I've been with tons of women."
Cal: "I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once."
Jay: "Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to bleep guys. I'm cool. I got friends that bleep guys... in jail."


upyourasses.wav(37K) upyourasses.mp3(37K) upyourasses.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "You guys are so up your asses."


dirtyword.wav(58K) dirtyword.mp3(58K) dirtyword.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. You know what's a dirty word, is bleephole and that's what you guys are."


BLEEPyouup.wav(72K) BLEEPyouup.mp3(72K) BLEEPyouup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "You know, I may not have had sex, but I could bleep you up. Yeah."


getonthat.wav(134K) getonthat.mp3(134K) getonthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mooj: "Don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not everybody is a pussy magnet. You are... what are you? 25?"
Andy: "I'm 40."
Mooj: "Holy bleep, man. You've got to get on that."


justpleasestop.wav(305K) justpleasestop.mp3(305K) justpleasestop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mooj: "It's not about bleeping and balls and pussy. It's about love. It's about people. It's about connection."
Andy: "It's all about connections."
Mooj: "It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures."
Andy: "It's not about butthole pleasures at all."
Mooj: "It's not about this rusty trombore and the dirty Sanchez."
Andy: "Please stop."
Mooj: "And the Cincinnati bowtie."
Andy: "Mooj..."
Mooj: "And the pussy juice cocktail and this-this bleep-staind balls."
Andy: "Mooj, just please stop."


respectwomen.wav(72K) respectwomen.mp3(72K) respectwomen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "You know what? I respect women. I love women. I respect them so much, that I completely stay away from them."


watchthelanguage.wav(348K) watchthelanguage.mp3(348K) watchthelanguage.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "Hey, uh, Haziz, can you just give us a second? We're just kinda in the middle of something."
Haziz (Shelley Malil): "Hey, I'm on my break, okay?"
David: "Hey, bleep off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right?"
Haziz: "bleep off? bleep you!"
David: "bleep you!"
Haziz: "bleep you!"
David: "bleep off."
Haziz: "bleep off."
David: "I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, bleephole."
Haziz: "Hey, hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family."
David: "Watch how you talk to me!"
Haziz: "Hey, it's a free contry, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to."
David: "Smoke my pole!"
Haziz: "You are a very unkind man."
David: "Get inside!"
Haziz: "This is not professional! I... Paula, this bleephole over here..."
David: "It's okay."
Haziz: "Paula!"


thatsloveman.wav(396K) thatsloveman.mp3(396K) thatsloveman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "I went out with this girl for four months and it was the greatest greatest thing in my life. Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. And, you know, instead of, like, saying: 'Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?' I dumped her. Stupid decision. I spent the last two years of my life regretting it."
Andy: "Well, why don't you get her back right now?"
David: "Oh, 'cause she's dating this pot dealer. Stupid horrible decision. But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. I gotta give her the space. She want to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, that's... that's love, man."


thatsjustlove.wav(215K) thatsjustlove.mp3(215K) thatsjustlove.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "She want to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, that's... that's love, man."
Andy: "It sounds horrible."
David: "Of course it's horrible. It's suffering and it's pain and it's-- You know, you lose weight and then you put back on weight and then you, you know, you call them a bunch of times and you try and email and then they move or they change their email mut that's just love."


9dollarbeernight.wav(59K) 9dollarbeernight.mp3(59K) 9dollarbeernight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Wow, this is, uh, pretty crowded."
David: "Yeah, well, you know, it's $9 beer night."


tackleagazelle.wav(122K) tackleagazelle.mp3(122K) tackleagazelle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. There's a code written in his DNA. It says, 'Tackle the gazelle'"
Andy: "Okay."
Jay: "And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says: 'Tackle drunk bitches.'"


peripherals.wav(578K) peripherals.mp3(578K) peripherals.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk?"
Jay: "Now you're talkin'. Alright, check this out. You see this redhead over here?"
Andy: "Where?"
Jay: "With the big old titties?"
Andy: "Uh, you know, I'm not just gonna stare at a woman."
Jay: "Dawg, I-I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. See?"
Andy: "Yeah."
Jay: "Look. See? I'm not looking at you. Mm-mm. No. I'm looking at the--"
Andy: "You're looking at her? What? What do you want me to do?"
Jay: "I want you to use your peripherals. See? I'm not looking at you. Mm-mm. No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. You see her, racked up right there, see her? See her?"
Andy: "Yeah, yeah, yes."
Jay: "Tell-- You find one with the peripherals, you find one."
Andy: "Okay. You see, over by the post. It looks like a... it's either a ficus... it might be a rubber tree plant."


drunkhotchick.wav(97K) drunkhotchick.mp3(97K) drunkhotchick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "You got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. And then you just make your move. Okay?"
Andy: "Yes."
Jay: "Alright. And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot."


thinkimpretty.wav(211K) thinkimpretty.mp3(211K) thinkimpretty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Nicky (Leslie Mann): "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Andy: "Oh, yes. Oh, god, yes!"
Nicky: "You're not looking at me."
Andy: "Yes, you're pretty."
Nicky: "You're not looking at me."
Andy: "Yes, you're pretty."
Nicky: "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Andy: "Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm."
Nicky: "Look at me."
Andy: "Mm-hmm."
Nicky: "Look at me!"
Andy: "I'm looking! You're pretty! You're pretty! God, I just wanna live!"


frenchtoast.wav(50K) frenchtoast.mp3(50K) frenchtoast.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Nicky: "I'm starvin'. Let's get some bleepin' french toast."


outtanowhere.wav(139K) outtanowhere.mp3(139K) outtanowhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Nicky: "Home sweet home."
Andy: "Yey. (She turns right into an oncoming car) Oh, mommy! (Panting) Are you okay?"
Nicky: "The bleeper came out of nowhere."


buythatvcr.wav(100K) buythatvcr.mp3(100K) buythatvcr.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish (Catherine Keener): "This one looks pretty good."
Andy: "Oh, you don't wanna buy that VCR."
Trish: "I don't?"
Andy: "No, actually to be totally honest with you, you don't wanna buy any VCR. It's a dead technology."


whenshouldicallher.wav(69K) whenshouldicallher.mp3(69K) whenshouldicallher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "When should I call her?"
David: "You like her?"
Andy: "Yeah."
Cal: "Yeah, you definitely don't want to call her."
Andy: "When is the next Olympics?"


peeinpublic.wav(163K) peeinpublic.mp3(163K) peeinpublic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I can't."
David: "Do it."
Andy: "I can't pee in public."
David: "Gotta do it."
Andy: "I've got a mental block about it."
David: "Come on, do it."
Andy: "I'm shy! Ahhhhh! I'm peeing in public!"


getouttheroom.wav(28K) getouttheroom.mp3(28K) getouttheroom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Bitch, get out the room! Bitch, get out the room!"


youBLEEPer.wav(61K) youBLEEPer.mp3(61K) youBLEEPer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) Oh, you bleeper! Ahhh!"


suckamotherBLEEPa.wav(99K) suckamotherBLEEPa.mp3(99K) suckamotherBLEEPa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) Sucka motherbleepa! You bleepdeah! Oh, I hate you! I hate you so much, you..."


intheassho.wav(99K) intheassho.mp3(99K) intheassho.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) bleep me in the assho oh oh oh..."


BLEEPsucka.wav(27K) BLEEPsucka.mp3(27K) BLEEPsucka.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "bleepsucka motherbleepa!"


sweatypiehole.wav(14K) sweatypiehole.mp3(14K) sweatypiehole.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) Sweaty piehole!"


comosellama.wav(13K) comosellama.mp3(13K) comosellama.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) Como se llama?"


kellyclarkson.wav(25K) kellyclarkson.mp3(25K) kellyclarkson.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(wax strip gets pulled off) No, Kelly Clarkson!"


holdmyhand.wav(39K) holdmyhand.mp3(39K) holdmyhand.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Hold my hand."
Cal: "Are you kidding me?"
Andy: "Hold my bleepdamn hand, man!"


thinkweredone.wav(215K) thinkweredone.mp3(215K) thinkweredone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Okay, here we go."
Waxing Lady (Miki Mia): "Ready?"
Andy: "No. Yup. Yup."
Waxing Lady: "One, two, three."
Andy: "Oh! Nipple bleep! Oh, Mika, you should burn in hell! Okay, alright. No, seriously, I think I'm done. I think we're done. I think that's good."


notagoodlook.wav(43K) notagoodlook.mp3(43K) notagoodlook.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "You know what, guys? This is not a good look for me!"


man-o-lantern.wav(19K) man-o-lantern.mp3(19K) man-o-lantern.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "You look like a man-o-lantern."


underpants.wav(105K) underpants.mp3(105K) underpants.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "There is a hot-ass girl who works right there. There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man."
Andy: "There's something worng with her underpants."


waxingyourchest.wav(43K) waxingyourchest.mp3(43K) waxingyourchest.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "Waxing your chest is like the gayest thing you could possibly do. Okay?"


uglyasBLEEP.wav(217K) uglyasBLEEP.mp3(217K) uglyasBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. I am ugly as bleep by traditional standards but I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?"
Andy: "I am not ugly as bleep."
Cal: "I didn't say you were ugly as--"
Andy: "Well, you implied it."
Cal: "Okay, okay. It doesn't matter if you're ugly as bleep or you're ugly as bleep."


telemarketer.wav(435K) telemarketer.mp3(435K) telemarketer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish: "(Phone rings) Hello?"
Andy: "Hey, how you doing?"
Trish: "Um, how you doing?"
Andy: "I'm well."
Trish: "Who is this?"
Andy: "This is James. (He hits himself with the phone)"
Trish: "James? Do I know you, James?"
Andy: "I was wondering whether you had a few minutes to talk about a little laundry detergent."
Trish: "Are you a telemarketer, James?"
Andy: "Yep."
Trish: "Are you at the top of a tall building? Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! I mean, you people are sick. Get a real bleeping job, why don't you? Go shoot yourself in the bleeping head. Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? Why don't you do that, huh?"
Andy: "Okay."
Trish: "Alright, I'll see you later, James."
Andy: "Nice to talk to you."
Trish: "bleep your mothe, okay? Bye-bye."


boxofporn.wav(25K) boxofporn.mp3(25K) boxofporn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you."


shewasadoreable.wav(42K) shewasadoreable.mp3(42K) shewasadoreable.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "She was adoreable... bleeping bitch."


jackedittwice.wav(234K) jackedittwice.mp3(234K) jackedittwice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "This is, uh, Everybody Loves Raymond. That's probably not supposed to... This is just a good show. I just tape it sometimes."
Andy: "Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. I don't-- I don't watch this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much."
David: "What, masturbate?"
Andy: "Yeah."
David: "Are you... Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. Are you kidding me? Mhy not?"
Andy: "It's not a hobby of mine."


takeyourporn.wav(246K) takeyourporn.mp3(246K) takeyourporn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Take your porn with you."
David: "I'm not taking it."
Andy: "Take you're box-o-porn."
David: "It is my gift to you."
Andy: "No. I don't want it. David, it's not... Just-just..."
David: "Andy, for the last time, I don't want your giant box of pornography!"
Andy: "No, no, no! Come on, man. So uncool."
David: "Uncool? Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy!"


transition.wav(155K) transition.mp3(155K) transition.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gina (Mo Collins): "You're a good lookin' man."
Andy: "Thank you."
Gina: "Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. They're real feminine, you know, which is good for me, because that would be a simple sort of transition. You know what I'm saying? Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back?"


knowallthat.wav(153K) knowallthat.mp3(153K) knowallthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "You need to stop bleeping around with my friend, okay? Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy!"
Amy (Mindy Kaling): "I moved, I changed my email address, my phone number. Okay, he's practically stalking me."
Cal: "Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry."


afungame.wav(114K) afungame.mp3(114K) afungame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "You know what's a fun game?"
Andy: "Huh?"
Cal: "You take three Excedrin PMs and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. You always win is the best part of the game."


speeddatingcard.wav(264K) speeddatingcard.mp3(264K) speeddatingcard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "My girlfriend Jill found your speed-dating card."
Andy: "Oh, yeah, right. God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. Thank you so much for bringing it to me."
Jill (Erica Vittina Phillips): "So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was 'hurtin' for a squirtin'?"
Andy: "Mmm-hmm. Yeah, hurtin' for a squirtin, i wrote that."
Jill: "Oh, so you wrote, "hoe fo sho'?"
Andy: "Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a ho... for show'"


thisdevice.wav(167K) thisdevice.mp3(167K) thisdevice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "Let me show you how this device works."
Smart Tech Customer: "Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone."
David: "Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries. It's like, Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. I feel fantastic since we broke up. I feel awesome!"


sicksonofabitch.wav(127K) sicksonofabitch.mp3(127K) sicksonofabitch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jill: "You are never gonna meet anybody with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch."
Andy: "Who-- Who the bleep are you to put me on trial. I've never even met you. So why don't you back the bleep off, alright? And stop with the inquisition."


howyoutalk.wav(279K) howyoutalk.mp3(279K) howyoutalk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jill: "That's how you talk?"
Andy: "You know what, I don't have to answer to you. You ain't my bitch. Know what I saying? So, bleep, man. bleep it."
Jill: "You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert."
Jay: "I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. I tried to introduce him to a few new people, he made a fool of himself. I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me."
Andy: "You should keep your ho on a leash."
Jay: "Oh, Bro, I can't let you--"
Andy: "Hey, hey, hey."
Jay: "I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg."
Andy: "Hey."
Jay: "Know what I'm saying?"
Andy: "Bitch is running wild, man."


invitedtoparty.wav(207K) invitedtoparty.mp3(207K) invitedtoparty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Haziz: "So, uh, tell me, Montel, why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Quaeda?"
Jay: "No, hold up, it's..."
Mooj: "No, no, no."
Jay: "It's not that kind of party, y'all."
Mooj: "Shh. Shh. You're not coming to our bleeping party either, okay? bleep you, okay?"
Jay: "First of all, it ain't that kind of party, alright?"
Mooj: "Go bleep a goat?"
Haziz: "Yeah!"
Jay: "Why you always telling me to bleep a goat, man?"
Mooj: "bleep a goat!"


fromthetranny.wav(21K) fromthetranny.mp3(21K) fromthetranny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you?"


asherballs.wav(143K) asherballs.mp3(143K) asherballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "So you saying she was definitely a man?"
Andy: "Yes."
Jay: "Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man?"
Andy: "Because her hands were as big as Andre the Giant's. And she had an adams apple as big as her balls."
Jay: "So you have no proof."


lifeforce.wav(96K) lifeforce.mp3(96K) lifeforce.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "Look at him, he looks younger than all of us, but he's 10 years older. Why? It's 'cause he's never had a relationship. No she-devil sucked his life fource out yet."


youregaynow.wav(256K) youregaynow.mp3(256K) youregaynow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "So you're gay now?"
David: "No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate."
Cal: "I think, I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know that this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, 'Oh, you know, I'm kind of going to wanna get back out ther, but I think I like guys.' And then there's the big, 'I'm-I'm-- I'm a gay guy now.'"
David: "You're gay for saying that."


knowyourgay.wav(249K) knowyourgay.mp3(249K) knowyourgay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "You know how I know you're gay?"
Cal: "How? How do you know I'm gay?"
David: "'Cause you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts."
Cal: "You know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore."
David: "You know how I know you're gay?"
Cal: "How? 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are?"
David: "You know how I know you're gay?"
Cal: "How?"
David: "You like coldplay. Oh, you're dead. You're dead."
Cal: "Come on. Leave my torso alone at least."


bikebikecycle.wav(245K) bikebikecycle.mp3(245K) bikebikecycle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish: "Okay, what time do you want to pick me up?"
Andy: "Um, uh, let's see. Um, that's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike."
Trish: "That's cool. Are you kidding me? I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. MY boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. So, I mean, I'm cool."
Andy: "Yeah. Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bike-- bikes-- bikecycle-- bicycle."
Trish: "Oh."


thatsgay.wav(197K) thatsgay.mp3(197K) thatsgay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "You know how I know that you're gay?"
Cal: "How?"
David: "You like the movie Maid in Manhattan."
Cal: "You know how I know you're gay?"
David: "HOw?"
Cal: "I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once."
David: "You know how I know that you're gay?"
Cal: "How?"
David: "You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 'I love it when balls are in my face.'"
Cal: "That's gay?"


rippinyourheadoff.wav(113K) rippinyourheadoff.mp3(113K) rippinyourheadoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "bleepdamn it! "
Cal: "I'm rippin' your head off right now. It's off. And now I'm throwing it at your body. bleep you!"
David: "Ah."


dontlikeguns.wav(34K) dontlikeguns.mp3(34K) dontlikeguns.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish: "Hey, wait. Do you have protection?"
Andy: "I don't like guns."


fourhours.wav(883K) fourhours.mp3(883K) fourhours.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hotline Operator: "Hotline?"
Andy: "Hi, yes, I'm calling because, uh, it's been more than four hours and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours?"
Hotline Operator: "Well, how much of the medicine have you taken, sir?"
Andy: "Uh, I haven't taken any, but your ad said that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call."
Hotline Operator: "Well, you're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine."
Andy: "Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part."
Hotline Operator: "Yes, If you haven't taken the medicine, uh, you don't call."
Andy: "Rught, right, right, right, I'm sorry, right. There's um-- So, there's nothing you can do? I mean, I just don't wanna..."
Hotline Operator: "There's nothing I can do. I am in Bombay, India."
Andy: "Oh, okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want-- I just don't want to have an erection anymore."
Hotline Operator: "Well, you know, you could have sex."
Andy: "Okay, yup."
Hotline Operator: "That's one thing people do when they have an erection."
Andy: "Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex."
Hotline Operator: "Uh, okay, well, then you can masturbate."
Andy: "I'd rather not masturbate."
Hotline Operator: "If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match, blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist and that will focus the brain elsewhere and you will lose your erection."
Andy: "Really, that'd work?"
Hotline Operator: "Take your finger and flick your testicle and if you do that till it hurts your erection will go away."
Andy: "Okay, alright."
Hotline Operator: "It sounds unpleasant and it is. It is a trick we use in India."
Andy: "Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it."


condomstowork.wav(172K) condomstowork.mp3(172K) condomstowork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "Hey."
Jay: "What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish?"
Andy: "Uh, it was a disaster."
Cal: "Really?"
Andy: "Yes, I've never been more embarrassed in my life. Couldn't get the condoms to work. And one of them exploded on my balls. And then her kid walked in the room."


inthehead.wav(112K) inthehead.mp3(112K) inthehead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "What if-- What if she laughs at me, though?"
Cal: "Then you punch her in the bleeping head if she laughs."
Andy: "I'm not gonna punch her in the head. She's really sweet."
Cal: "No, ya-- I mean, you punch her in the bleeping head emotionally."


liarliar.wav(105K) liarliar.mp3(105K) liarliar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I am going to tell her."
Cal: "You should totally tell her."
Andy: "I'm going to."
Cal: "'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar and the message was, 'Don't lie.' And that was a smart movie."


hotgrandma.wav(365K) hotgrandma.mp3(365K) hotgrandma.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "And she has three kids. And one of her kids has a kid. You alright?"
Cal: "Did you say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid?"
Andy: "Yeah."
Cal: "So, so, she's a grandma?"
Andy: "No."
Cal: "I'm not a doctor or anything like that but she's a bleepng grandma."
Andy: "Yeah, well, whatever, you know."
Cal: "She's the hottest grandma I ever saw."
Andy: "She is! She's a hot grandma."
Cal: "That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance."
Andy: "Well, she's no Jack Palance."
Cal: "No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady, I would want to bleep Jack Palance right now."
Andy: "Yeah, me too."


scumbagasskisser.wav(44K) scumbagasskisser.mp3(44K) scumbagasskisser.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mooj: "This is the bullbleep of all bullbleeps! You scumbag! Ass kisser!"


onthehouse.wav(437K) onthehouse.mp3(437K) onthehouse.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smart Tech Customer (Kevin Hart): "I'm also gonna need the extended warranty on it for the price of... on the house. Hmm?"
Jay: "That I can't do."
Smart Tech Customer: "Now , don't be a negro. Be my nigga. Alright? Help me out."
Jay: "Whoa, hold up. I ain't nobody's nigga."
Smart Tech Customer: "Well, you're somebody's nigga wearing this nigga tie."
Jay: "Now you being condescending."
Smart Tech Customer: "Mm-hmm."
Jay: "You've been warned, alright? Let's move forward amicably."
Smart Tech Customer: "Okay, well, check this out. First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. Okay, now because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take them as disrespect. Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale."
Jay: "Okay, see, see, now you found yourself a nigga. You was looking for a nigga? Nigga here now. See?"


thisyourboy.wav(615K) thisyourboy.mp3(615K) thisyourboy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smart Tech Customer: "This bleep just got real!"
Jay: "Well, what you gonna do, bitch?"
Smart Tech Customer: "I'm gonna tell you what. I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do. You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?"
Jay: "You ever heard of rolling 20s, nigga?"
Smart Tech Customer: "Mm-hmm."
Jay: "Since I was 16, nigga. I'm saying frosty. You know what I'm saying, spoon, nigga. We bleeped dwarves in the ass."
Smart Tech Customer: "Nigga, this dwarf here don't got to be tall to pull the trigger off in somebody face."
Jay: "Come on, nigga. Back up. What's up?"
Andy: "Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Hey, welcome to Smart Tech. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Smart Tech Customer: "Hey, is this your boy?"
Jay: "Yeah, nigga, we will both mash you! What? What?"
Andy: "Hey, how can we help you, sir?"
Jay: "No, no, no, he don't need no help. He's already been served. I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he's got it. See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. But now he sees that Jay makes the rules in Smart Tech, that I run this bitch. And now he 'bout to bounce."
Smart Tech Customer: "This your boy?"
Jay: "Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech."
Smart Tech Customer: "You just got bleeped up with him. Both y'all niggas going to get clapped up when I get back. Both of you all niggas."
Andy: "What? What'd I do?"
Smart Tech Customer: "I don't bleeping matter!"
Jay: "Yeah, well, aim high, Willis. Aim high!"


youcanttell.wav(37K) youcanttell.mp3(37K) youcanttell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Why'd you cheat on her?"
Jay: "Because I'm insecure, you can't tell?"


retiredmypenis.wav(42K) retiredmypenis.mp3(42K) retiredmypenis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "She likes you, man."
David: "Too bad I retired my penis."


notafterbrunch.wav(203K) notafterbrunch.mp3(203K) notafterbrunch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mooj: "Okay, but why every time schedule comes out, I get most early shift? It's bullbleep. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning."
Andy: "No, I understand."
Mooj: "People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00."
Andy: "Mmm-hmm."
Mooj: "Rich men get off work, then buy stereo."
Andy: "Right."
Mooj: "Not after bleeping brunch."
Andy: "Okay."


wifetodothat.wav(188K) wifetodothat.mp3(188K) wifetodothat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Health Clinic Counselor (Nancy Walls): "Any questions?"
Dad at Health Clinic (David Koechner): "Here's a cute story. I came home the other day and he was with his girlfriend in my marital bed doing things that are illegal in Alabama. Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay?"
Health Clinic Counselor: "Did you have a question?"
Dad at Health Clinic: "How do I get my wife to do that?"


useityouloseit.wav(73K) useityouloseit.mp3(73K) useityouloseit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?"
Health Clinic Counselor: "Is that a serious question?"
Andy: "No, it wasn't."
Health Clinic Counselor: "Okay."


outercourse.wav(196K) outercourse.mp3(196K) outercourse.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Health Clinic Counselor: "Uh, well, instead of intercourse, you could have outer-course."
Marla (Kat Dennings): "Outer-course? Ugh, what's that?"
Andy: "Yeah, what is that?"
Health Clinic Counselor: "Well, outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse."
Boy at Health Clinic (Nick Lashaway): "I prefer vaginal intercourse."
Dad at Health Clinic (David Koechner): "He really does."


haveanyweed.wav(219K) haveanyweed.mp3(219K) haveanyweed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Paula: "Do you have any weed?"
Cal: "Yeah. I have--"
Paula: "You do have some?"
Cal: "Yeah."
Paula: "Can you spare any or is it all spoken for?"
Cal: "I mean, like what are we talking? Are we talking like a lot..."
Paula: "Just enough to get me baked for like a week."
Cal: "That's a lot of weed."
Paula: "Yeah, well, I'm taking vaction next week, so..."
Cal: "I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna stay in my apartment..."
Paula: "Just getting baked."
Cal: "I wanna be baked the whole time."


gandhibaked.wav(125K) gandhibaked.mp3(125K) gandhibaked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Paula: "Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi."
Cal: "Gandhi baked is good."
Paula: "Yeah, isn't it?"
Cal: "I always feel bad when I watch it baked 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is..."
Paula: "Starving."
Cal: "...bleeping starving his ass off the whole time."
Paula: "I know. I know. I know."


looksbigontv.wav(144K) looksbigontv.mp3(144K) looksbigontv.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "It looks like the Dopplar radar."
Jay: "Can you believ that? This child ain't even four months old. He ain't even four months old yet. Look at what he's packing."
Mooj: "Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV. My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay?"


homiesgonnaplayit.wav(75K) homiesgonnaplayit.mp3(75K) homiesgonnaplayit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Okay, that's the way you want it. That's the way homie's gonna play it."


inthenuts.wav(253K) inthenuts.mp3(253K) inthenuts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David: "(Cal flicks his nuts.) Did you just flick me in the nuts?"
Cal: "No. I flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. (He flicks him again.)"
David: "Ow! Quit flicking my balls, man."
Cal: "Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. But I'll start punching your nuts. (He punches him in the nuts and slaps his face.)"
David: ""Oh! (Cal punches his shoulder) Okay. (Cal pinches his ear)"
Cal: "Well played, sir."


ineedsomepoon.wav(41K) ineedsomepoon.mp3(41K) ineedsomepoon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I need some poon!"


genitaltogenital.wav(55K) genitaltogenital.mp3(55K) genitaltogenital.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need."


relationships.wav(134K) relationships.mp3(134K) relationships.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "You know the thing about relationships is that they make one person go 'blah blah blah blah blah.' And the other person go, 'What are you talking about?'. And then one person goes, 'blah blah blah blah blah.'"


hadtodrink.wav(112K) hadtodrink.mp3(112K) hadtodrink.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cal: "How much have you had to drink, man?"
Andy: "Oh, how much have I had to drink? Hey, how many pots have you smoken?"
Cal: "What are you talking about?"
Andy: "Oh, how many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? Let me ask you that. You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? Who the bleep you, man! I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you."


heymotherBLEEPa.wav(49K) heymotherBLEEPa.mp3(49K) heymotherBLEEPa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, motherbleepa!"


huntforsomehos.wav(55K) huntforsomehos.mp3(55K) huntforsomehos.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "And now I have to go hunt for some hos. (He laughs maniacally)"


throughyourshirt.wav(54K) throughyourshirt.mp3(54K) throughyourshirt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. Nice!"


rsvping.wav(94K) rsvping.mp3(94K) rsvping.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Beth (Elizabeth Banks): "You think we should take this party to my apartment or what?"
Andy: "I am RSVPing yes."


bigtrunk.wav(38K) bigtrunk.mp3(38K) bigtrunk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "I hope you have a bug trunk, because I'm putting my bike in it."


lookatyour.wav(209K) lookatyour.mp3(209K) lookatyour.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great."
Beth: "Yeah."
Andy: "Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot."
Beth: "I'm smoking hot."
Andy: "I should-- YOu know what? I'm just going to have sex with you."
Beth: "Yes! Let's have sex."
Andy: "That's what's gonna happen."
Beth: "That's why we're here."
Andy: "That's totally what's going to happen."


butbutt.wav(267K) butbutt.mp3(267K) butbutt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Beth: "We could do it in the... butt if you want to."
Andy: "But, if I want to what?"
Beth: "Butt."
Andy: "But, wha-- What, what?"
Beth: "Do it."
Andy: "Do it?"
Beth: "What?"
Andy: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Beth: "Butt."
Andy: "But..."
Both: "What?"


bowchicca.wav(69K) bowchicca.mp3(69K) bowchicca.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Bow chicca, bow chicca, bow bow bow. Yeah! Huh huh!"


thatwasafunday.wav(104K) thatwasafunday.mp3(104K) thatwasafunday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "(She gasps when she sees his waxed chest) Yeah. Oh, right! Okay, yeah. That was a fun day."


pullsomething.wav(310K) pullsomething.mp3(310K) pullsomething.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Beth: "I wanna introduce you to my friend."
Andy: "Your friend is so shiny."
Beth: "This guy knows exactly what I like."
Andy: "Where's your friend going?"
Beth: "This is how I'm gonna warm up for you."
Andy: "That's always good to warm up. You don't want to pull something."


thisisgraphic.wav(31K) thisisgraphic.mp3(31K) thisisgraphic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Wow, this is graphic."


thatwoman.wav(128K) thatwoman.mp3(128K) thatwoman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know who I am. All I know is that woman scares the bleep out of me and I just wanna go home, okay?"


whatitlookslike.wav(132K) whatitlookslike.mp3(132K) whatitlookslike.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "This isn't what it looks like okay?"
Trish: "What does this look like?"
Andy: "A vagina."
Trish: "And what do you do with this vagina?"
Andy: "To learn. It's for medicinal purposes."


thefreshmaker.wav(91K) thefreshmaker.mp3(91K) thefreshmaker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish: "What's this? This your date drug? Your roofie?"
Andy: "It's a Mentos. They're 'The Freshmaker.'"


twosides.wav(49K) twosides.mp3(49K) twosides.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Andy: "There were two sides of that bullboard. And they both hurt equally."


gettheBLEEPout.wav(228K) gettheBLEEPout.mp3(228K) gettheBLEEPout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Man Buffing Floor (Joe Nunez): "Hey! I'm not gonna be done buffing the, uh, marble for about a half an hour, but, uh, you can come in and sit down if you want or wait in the lobby. It's okay. It's up to you. (He goes back to buffing)"
Andy: "Dude, get the bleep out of here!"


aquariuslettheunshine.wav(2365K) aquariuslettheunshine.mp3(2365K) aquariuslettheunshine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Trish: "How was that?"
The Cast: "(Aquarius / Let the Sun Shine in" Written by Galt MacDermot, James Rado, Gerome Ragni Performed by the cast of The 40 Year Old Virgin)"

 
All sounds on the got wavs? or linked from got wavs? retain their original copyright as owned by their respective movie production companies. All sound files are for educational, research, criticism, or review for movie purchase purposes. got wavs? holds no liability from misuse of these sound files. Some of the sound files contained on got wavs? may not be suitable for young children.