Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs

 






 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

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storageb.wav(169K) storageb.mp3(169K) storageb.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "(muttering) F... C... V..."
Lumberg: "Hi, Milton. What's happening?"
Milton: "I was-- I-I-- I didn't receive my paycheck this week."
Lumberg: "Uh, you're going to have to talk to Payroll about that."
Milton: "I did and they said that--"
Lumberg: "Milt, we're going to need you to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B."
Milton: "No, I-I was told I could not--"
Lumberg: "We have some new people coming in..."
Milton: "No. There's--"
Lumberg: "...and we need all the space we can get."
Milton: "But there's no space--"
Lumberg: "So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there..."
Milton: "But, n--"
Lumberg: "...that would be terrific."
Milton: "I-I was told..."
Lumberg: "Mm-kay?"
Milton: "...I could stay. Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler. I-- Mmm."


mystapler.wav(64K) mystapler.mp3(64K) mystapler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler. I-- Mmm."


missingitbob.wav(50K) missingitbob.mp3(50K) missingitbob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Porter: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob."


housecleaning.wav(523K) housecleaning.mp3(523K) housecleaning.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "I-I'm sure you-- you've-- you've heard some of the rumors circulating around the hallways about how we're going to be doing a little housecleaning with some of the software people."
Peter: "Well, Bob, I have heard that, and you gotta do what you gotta do."
Bob Porter: "We're gonna be getting rid of these people here. First, Mr. Samir Naga-- He-- Naga-- Naga-- Not gonna work here anymore anyway. And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him."
Peter: "You're gonna layoff Samir and Michael?"
Bob Porter: "Ah, yeah, we're gonna bring in some, uh, entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore. That's the usual deal."
Bob Slydell: "It's standard operating procedure."
Peter: "Do they know this yet?"
Bob Slydell: "No! No, of course not. We find that it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."


memoremoney.wav(219K) memoremoney.mp3(219K) memoremoney.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position to have as many an four people working right underneath you."
Bob Porter: "This is a big promotion, Pete."
Bob Slydell: "It's huge."
Peter: "So you're gonna fire Michael and Samir and you're gonna give me more money?"
Bob Slydell: "Hmm?"
Peter: "Wow."




letsdothat.wav(142K) letsdothat.mp3(142K) letsdothat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "(The fax machine is acting up) Hmm. Yeah. That's it. That's exactly what I need. Uh-huh. Come here, give it to me. Come on, you little bleeper, let's go. That's what I need. Let's do that. Let's do exactly that, you little bleep--"


gonnagetcanned.wav(267K) gonnagetcanned.mp3(267K) gonnagetcanned.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Michael, there comes a point in a man's life, and maybe that time for you is now, when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future."
Michael: "Uh, no offence there, Peter, but speak for yourself there, sport. I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. I know-- I know you had this religious expeiriec or whatever the hell that was but you better snap out of it and get your bleep together, or you're gonna get canned."


thanvirus.wav(517K) thanvirus.mp3(517K) thanvirus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "That virus you're always talking about, right? The one that could, uh, rip off the company for a bunch of money."
Michael: "Yeah, what about it?"
Peter: "Well, how does it work?"
Michael: "It's pretty brilliant. What it does is, every time there's a bank transaction where interest is competed, you know, thousands a day, the computer ends up with these fractions of acent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is, it takes those little remainders and puts it into an account."
Peter: "This sounds familiar."
Michael: "Yeah, they did it in Superman III."
Peter: "Right."
Michael: "Yeah. Underrated movie, actually. And then there were a bunch of hackers, did it in the '70s as well. One of them got busted."
Peter: "Well, so they check for this now."
Michael: "No, here's the thing. Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating for the year 2000, they'd never notice."
Peter: "You're right. And even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code."
Michael: "Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses."


superman3.wav(60K) superman3.mp3(60K) superman3.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "This sounds familiar."
Michael: "Yeah, they did it in Superman III."
Peter: "Right."
Michael: "Yeah. Underrated movie, actually."


thumbsup.wav(32K) thumbsup.mp3(32K) thumbsup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses."


fromdoingthis.wav(140K) fromdoingthis.mp3(140K) fromdoingthis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this?"
Michael: "It's not worth the risk. I got a good job."
Peter: "What if you didn't have a good job?"
Michael: "Cock-gobblers!"


BLEEPgobblers.wav(16K) BLEEPgobblers.mp3(16K) BLEEPgobblers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Cock-gobblers!"


promoted.wav(224K) promoted.mp3(224K) promoted.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place."
Michael: "And you, you haven't been showin' up and you get to keep your job."
Peter: "Actually, I'm being promoted."
Michael: "What?"
Peter: "I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. And I realized something today. It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us."


onthisearth.wav(342K) onthisearth.mp3(342K) onthisearth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I don't know what happened to me at that hypnothearpist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die-- Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."
Michael: "I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music."
Peter: "Oh. That is not right, Michael."


notmeantto.wav(114K) notmeantto.mp3(114K) notmeantto.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."


fudgepackers.wav(30K) fudgepackers.mp3(30K) fudgepackers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music."


fiveyearsnow.wav(360K) fiveyearsnow.mp3(360K) fiveyearsnow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Oh. That is not right, Michael. For five years now, you've worked your ass of at Initech hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit-sharing or something. Five years of your mid-20s now gone. And you're gonna go in tomorrow, they're gonna throw you out on the street. You know why? So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. Michael, let's make that stock go down and let's take enough money out of that place so that we never ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again."


thisisamerica.wav(367K) thisisamerica.mp3(367K) thisisamerica.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?"
Samir: "Yes, Peter. But I'm not going to do anything illegal."
Peter: "Illegal? Samir, this is America! Come on, sit down. Come on. This isn't Riyadh. You know, they're not gonna saw your hands off here. Alright? The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months, into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. Shit, we sould be so lucky! Do you know they have conjugal visits there?"
Samir: "Really?"
Peter: "Yes."
Samir: "Shit. I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."


insixmonths.wav(173K) insixmonths.mp3(173K) insixmonths.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months, into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. Shit, we sould be so lucky! Do you know they have conjugal visits there?"
Samir: "Really?"
Peter: "Yes."
Samir: "Shit. I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."


opportinity.wav(368K) opportinity.mp3(368K) opportinity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "You came here looking for a land of opportunity and this is the knock of that opportunity. Tomorrow's your last day at Initech. You have two options: unemployment or early retirement. What's it gonna be?"
Samir: "I have a question."
Peter: "Yes?"
Samir: "In-- In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?"
Peter: "Yep, you sure can."
Samir: "Okay, I'll do it."
Peter: "That's what I'm talking about when I talk about Ameri--!"
Michael: "Peter? How about we discuss the plan?"
Peter: "Okay, yeah. Good. Right. Okay."


conjugalvisits.wav(144K) conjugalvisits.mp3(144K) conjugalvisits.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "I have a question."
Peter: "Yes?"
Samir: "In-- In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?"
Peter: "Yep, you sure can."
Samir: "Okay, I'll do it."


nobodyknows.wav(153K) nobodyknows.mp3(153K) nobodyknows.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "We have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us. Alright? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody."
Samir: "Of course."
Michael: "Agreed."
Lawrence: "Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone either!"
Michael: "What the bleep is that?"
Peter: "No, don't worry about him. He's cool."


thatwaseasy.wav(39K) thatwaseasy.mp3(39K) thatwaseasy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Well, that was easy."
Peter: "Yeah, I guess it was."


tomsmykowski.wav(839K) tomsmykowski.mp3(839K) tomsmykowski.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "You guys hear about Tom Smykowski?"
Michael: "What, that he got laid off?"
Drew: "No, man. Check it out. Last week, right after he found out he was getting laid off, he goes home and tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage."
Michael: "Is he dead?"
Drew: "No, man. Check it out. That wife of his comes home early from work and catches him. So he tries to play it off like nothing happened."
Smykowski: "I was having some trouble with the shifter here. It's jammed, and I-- I couldn't get it into drive. I-I-I mean, reverse."
Laura Smykowski (Linda Wakeman): "You okay, Tom?"
Drew: "Then' as he's looking at her..."
Smykowski: "Yeah."
Drew: "...he decides he wants to live."
Smykowski: "Yeah, I think I'm okay."
Laura Smykowski: "Alright."
Smykowski: "Seems to be working now. See ya later, honey. Love ya."
Drew: "But then, as soon as he backs out of his driveway-- Bam! He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver."
Peter: "Is he okay?"
Drew: "Sort of. He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back. But, check it out, he's gonna get a huge settlement out of this, like seven figures. He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. He's gonna throw a big party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my 'O' face. Oh, oh, oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh! Yeah."


isheokay.wav(54K) isheokay.mp3(54K) isheokay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Is he okay?"
Drew: "Sort of. He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back."


myoface.wav(150K) myoface.mp3(150K) myoface.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "We're all invited. I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my 'O' face. Oh, oh, oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh! Yeah."


istolesomething.wav(1304K) istolesomething.mp3(1304K) istolesomething.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Wow. Our last day at Initech."
Samir: "I can't believe they had secuity escort us out. Li-- Like we're going to steal something."
Peter: "I stole something."
Michael: "Oh, yeah. I guess we all did."
Peter: "No, I stole something else."
Samir: "What did you steal?"
Peter: "Call it a going-away present. (Then they go off on the printer with Geto Boys - "Still" playing in the background)"


backupinyourass.wav(29K) backupinyourass.mp3(29K) backupinyourass.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "Back up in your ass with the resurrection."


yourstealing.wav(597K) yourstealing.mp3(597K) yourstealing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night?"
Peter: "Oh, uh, I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. (She looks at him) I really can't. (Still looking) Alright, so when the sub routine compounds the interest, right, it uses all these extra decimal places that get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing and we just-- we round 'em all down and drop the remainder into an account that we opened."
Joanna: "So, you're stealing."
Peter: "Uh, no. No, you don't understand. It's uh-- it's very complicated. It's uh-- it's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. And, uh, over time they add up to a lot."
Joanna: "Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Right? That's not yours?"
Peter: "Uh, well, it becomes ours."
Joanna: "How is that not stealing?"


howisthatnotstealing.wav(86K) howisthatnotstealing.mp3(86K) howisthatnotstealing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Right? That's not yours?"
Peter: "Uh, well, it becomes ours."
Joanna: "How is that not stealing?"


muchbiggertray.wav(281K) muchbiggertray.mp3(281K) muchbiggertray.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I don't think, uh-- I don't think that I'm explaining this very well."
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Um, the 7-Eleven, right?"
Joanna: "Mm-hmm."
Peter: "You'd take a penny from the tray."
Joanna: "From the crippled children?"
Peter: "No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. The-- You know, the pennies f-for everybody."
Joanna: "Oh, for everybod-- Okay."
Peter: "Yeah, well, those are whole pennies."
Joanna: "Right."
Peter: "Alright? I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here. Okay? But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple of million times."


justseemswrong.wav(282K) justseemswrong.mp3(282K) justseemswrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "So what's wrong with that?"
Joanna: "I don't know. It just seams wrong."
Peter: "It's not wrong. Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation. Alright? Chotchkie's is wrong. Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?"
Joanna: "Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register."
Peter: "Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear."
Joanna: "What?!"


lookatme.wav(310K) lookatme.mp3(310K) lookatme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smykowski: "I know how you get depressed about your job and all and I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way."
Peter: "Really?"
Smykowski: "Sure! Well, maybe I didn't whine as much, but I bet I hated my job even more than you. And I've been doing it for over 30 years."
Peter: "Wow."
Smykowski: "Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me."


whydoyouask.wav(238K) whydoyouask.mp3(238K) whydoyouask.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rob Newhouse, Smykowski's Lawyer (Kyle Scott Jackson): "Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. Minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be alright. Why do you ask anyway?"
Michael: "Oh, no, we were just-- (He throws his cup of ice all over) Sorry. Sorry."
Samir: "It's uh--"


luckybastard.wav(41K) luckybastard.mp3(41K) luckybastard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "That's somethin' about old Swykowski, huh?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Lucky bastard."


sheherewith.wav(447K) sheherewith.mp3(447K) sheherewith.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Who's she here with?"
Peter: "She's with me."
Drew: "Really?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Alright, Peter. Ooh! Ooh! Right on. Make sure you wear a rubber, dude."
Peter: "Why is that' Drew?"
Drew: "Are you kidding me? She gets around. Alright?"
Peter: "She does, does she?"
Drew: "Oh, yeah, like a record."
Peter: "Like, with who?"
Drew: "Oh, let's see, uh-- Hell, Lumbergh bleeped her."


oohooh.wav(13K) oohooh.mp3(13K) oohooh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Ooh! Ooh!"


weararubber.wav(17K) weararubber.mp3(17K) weararubber.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Make sure you wear a rubber, dude."


likearecord.wav(101K) likearecord.mp3(101K) likearecord.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Are you kidding me? She gets around. Alright?"
Peter: "She does, does she?"
Drew: "Oh, yeah, like a record."


lumberghBLEEPedher.wav(32K) lumberghBLEEPedher.mp3(32K) lumberghBLEEPedher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Hell, Lumbergh bleeped her."


sleepwithlumbergh.wav(732K) sleepwithlumbergh.mp3(732K) sleepwithlumbergh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "So, what if-- Oh. What if you get caught? I-- Oh, I-I-I just don't know if this was such a good idea?"
Peter: "Yeah, well maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh."
Joanna: "What?! What are you-- Oh, right, Lumbergh."
Peter: "Aah! Oh, god, Lumbergh."
Joanna: "Peter, what is wrong with you? That was, like, two years ago. What, did you know him?"
Peter: "Yeah, I know him. I know him. He's my boss. He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!"
Joanna: "Oh, he's not that disgusting."
Peter: "He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him."
Joanna: "Hey! That is none of your business. Okay? I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. I don't care."
Peter: "Well, I did't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh!"
Joanna: "Listen to you. Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me. I mean, what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing wannabe criminal... m-m-man."
Peter: "Yeah, well, that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh."


thatdisgusting.wav(71K) thatdisgusting.mp3(71K) thatdisgusting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "He's my boss. He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!"
Joanna: "Oh, he's not that disgusting."


soullessandwrong.wav(58K) soullessandwrong.mp3(58K) soullessandwrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him."


criminalman.wav(87K) criminalman.mp3(87K) criminalman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "I mean, what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing wannabe criminal... m-m-man."


tpsreportsasap.wav(67K) tpsreportsasap.mp3(67K) tpsreportsasap.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Peter! What's happening? Um, could you get me thoso T.P.S. reports ASAP? Mm-kay?"


weneedtotalk.wav(735K) weneedtotalk.mp3(735K) weneedtotalk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Joanna."
Joanna: "Yeah?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "We need to talk. Do you know what this is about?"
Joanna: "My, uh, flair?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Yeah. Or, uh, your lack of flair. Because, uh, I'm countng and I only see 15 pieces. Let me ask you a question, Joanna. What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?"
Joanna: "Huh. What do I thin-- Um, you know what, Stan? If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself."
Joanna: "Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. (She flips him off) Alright? There's my flair. Okay? And this is me expressing myself. Okay? (She starts flipping everyone off) There it is. I hate this job! I hate this bleepdamn job, and I don't need it!"


expressyourself.wav(290K) expressyourself.mp3(290K) expressyourself.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself."
Joanna: "Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. (She flips him off) Alright? There's my flair. Okay? And this is me expressing myself. Okay? (She starts flipping everyone off) There it is. I hate this job! I hate this bleepdamn job, and I don't need it!"


hatethisjob.wav(42K) hatethisjob.mp3(42K) hatethisjob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "I hate this job! I hate this bleepdamn job, and I don't need it!"


thisisaBLEEP.wav(21K) thisisaBLEEP.mp3(21K) thisisaBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "This is a bleep!"


30532613.wav(141K) 30532613.mp3(141K) 30532613.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "What happened?"
Peter: "You tell me, Michael! It's your software!"
Samir: "Yes, it's your software."
Peter: "You know, corporate accounting is sure as hell gonna notice $305,3... 26.13, Michael!"


itdidwork.wav(127K) itdidwork.mp3(127K) itdidwork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Michael, you said the thing was gonna take two years! What happened?! You said the thing was supposed work!"
Michael: "Technically, it did work."
Peter: "No, it didn't!"
Samir: "It did not work, Michael! Okay?"
Michael: "Okay, okay, okay!"
Samir: "Okay!"
Michael: "Okay."


mundanedetail.wav(242K) mundanedetail.mp3(242K) mundanedetail.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail."
Peter: "Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael!"
Michael: "Hey, quit getting pissed at me. Alright? This was all your idea, bleephole!"
Peter: "Alright, okay, alright, let's try not to get pissed off at each other. Alright? Let's just calm down, let's try to figure this thing out together."


receiveapiece.wav(131K) receiveapiece.mp3(131K) receiveapiece.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Nina: "Now, Milton, don't be greedy. Let's pass it along and make sure everyone get's a piece."
Milton: "Okay, but last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told that I could ha--"
Nina: "Just pass."
Milton: "Okay."


cakeratio.wav(31K) cakeratio.mp3(31K) cakeratio.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "The ratio of people to cake is too many."


Icouldset.wav(22K) Icouldset.mp3(22K) Icouldset.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "I could set the building on fire."


givethemoneyback.wav(120K) givethemoneyback.mp3(120K) givethemoneyback.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "I-Is there some way to just give the money back?"
Peter: "What, do you mean, just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? I-I think they'd figure that out."
Samir: "Well, we have to do something."


cokehead.wav(178K) cokehead.mp3(178K) cokehead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "May-Maybe we could launder the money."
Peter: "That's a great idea. Okay, how do we do that?"
Michael: "I don-- I don't know. I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. I think-- I think coke dealers do it."
Peter: "Okay, alright, do we know any coke dealers?"
Michael: "M-My cousin's a cokehead."


indeepBLEEP.wav(67K) indeepBLEEP.mp3(67K) indeepBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "bleep. We're in deep bleep."
Samir: "Yes, we are in very, very deep bleep."


cockroach.wav(250K) cockroach.mp3(250K) cockroach.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Milton."
Milton: "Yes?"
Lumbergh: "What's happening?"
Milton: "I wanted to speak to you--"
Lumbergh: "Say, Milton, you know what'd be great?"
Milton: "Wh-- No."
Lumbergh: "Since you're down here, it would be really great if you could just sort of take care of the cockroach problem we've been having in here."
Milton: "No, that's not really my job, and I-- I haven't received my paycheck this week--"
Lumbergh: "So, for now, why don't you get yourself a flashlight and a can of pesticide..."


excuseme.wav(114K) excuseme.mp3(114K) excuseme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Excuse me? Excuse me? Well, okay, but that's the last straw."


thelaststraw.wav(45K) thelaststraw.mp3(45K) thelaststraw.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Well, okay, but that's the last straw."


moneylaundering.wav(250K) moneylaundering.mp3(250K) moneylaundering.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Uh, launder. To clean-- No. Wash-- Here it is. To conseal the source of money as by channeling it through an intermediary. To conseal a source of money--"
Samir: "That-- That doesn't really help us, Michael."
Peter: "I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary."
Michael: "Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass. Okay?"


eatmyassokay.wav(44K) eatmyassokay.mp3(44K) eatmyassokay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass. Okay?"


wouldhavehooves.wav(73K) wouldhavehooves.mp3(73K) wouldhavehooves.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Yeah. Who'd you think I meant, Bill? bleepin' their children would have hooves."


addictedtocrack.wav(492K) addictedtocrack.mp3(492K) addictedtocrack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Steve, Magazine Salesman (Orlando Jones): "Good evening, sir. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean."
Peter: "Okay."
Steve: "That is why I am selling magzine subscriptions."
Peter: "No."
Steve: "And I was hoping you could help me out--"
Michael: "W-W-Wait a minute. You used to be addicted to crack?"
Steve: "Yeah, b-- Um, w-- Look, I'm very sorry. I do not know anything about any money laundering."
Michael: "No, we're n-- We're not asking you about money laundering. All we need is for you to hook us up with the right people, so that--"
Peter: "Michael, if he doesn't know anybody he wants to hook us up with, he doesn't know anybody."
Samir: "N-N-No, wait-- wait a minute. L-Look. You just give us the name of one drug dealer. I mean, I could talk to him. I have good networking skill-- I--"
Steve: "I lied. All that stuff I said about being a crackhead just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed software engineer."


subscriptionstovibe.wav(348K) subscriptionstovibe.mp3(348K) subscriptionstovibe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "You're a software engineer?"
Steve: "Yep."
Samir: "Things, uh, must be very rough for you."
Steve: "Actually, man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions than I ever did at Initrode."
Michael: "At Initrode?"
Peter: "Wait a minute. You're not gonna tell anybody about all this stuff we told you. I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's--"
Steve: "Actually, um, that all depends. (Hinting towards his magazine clipboard)"
Peter: "What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?"


newtoitthough.wav(132K) newtoitthough.mp3(132K) newtoitthough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "You know what I can't figure out? How is it that all these stupid, Neandethal mafia guys can be so good at crime and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it?"
Samir: "We're new to it, though. If we had more experience--"


poundmeintheassprison.wav(108K) poundmeintheassprison.mp3(108K) poundmeintheassprison.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. What we've done is bad enough. We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no, we're going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison."


verybadperson.wav(43K) verybadperson.mp3(43K) verybadperson.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "You are a very bad person, Peter."


BLEEPinupmylifetoo.wav(95K) BLEEPinupmylifetoo.mp3(95K) BLEEPinupmylifetoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Lawrence, you awake?"
Lawrence: "Yeah."
Peter: "You wanna come over?"
Lawrence: "No, thanks, man. I don't want you bleepin' up my life too."


heinouscrimes.wav(395K) heinouscrimes.mp3(395K) heinouscrimes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Judge (Jack Betts): "And in light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes that you have committed against Ititech, I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton and Samir Naan-- Nanadajibad to a term of no less than four years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Peter Gibbons, you've led a trite and meaningless life. And you're a very bad person."


flippedoffmyboss.wav(148K) flippedoffmyboss.mp3(148K) flippedoffmyboss.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh?"
Joanna: "No. No, I got fired."
Peter: "What happened?"
Joanna: "I flipped off my boss, some customers, actually a line cook, but he just happened to be standing there, so--"


thatwasabadidea.wav(95K) thatwasabadidea.mp3(95K) thatwasabadidea.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I might be going away for a while, uh... to jail. You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea."


happywithmylife.wav(74K) happywithmylife.mp3(74K) happywithmylife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I may never be happy at my job, but I think that if I could be with you, that I could be happy with my life."


getaroomyoutwo.wav(109K) getaroomyoutwo.mp3(109K) getaroomyoutwo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Brian: "Whoa, hey, what's goin' on here? Get a room, you two. Ha ha! Neeee! Hya ha ha ha ha."
Joanna: "I hate that guy."


ihatethatguy.wav(17K) ihatethatguy.mp3(17K) ihatethatguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "I hate that guy."


talktopayroll.wav(301K) talktopayroll.mp3(301K) talktopayroll.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Then Mr. Lumberg told me to talk to Payroll and then Payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. And I- I still haven't received my paycheck, and he took my stapler. And he never brought it back. And they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it. And I don't appreciate--"
Peggy, Lumbergh's Secretary: "Um, well, why-- why don't you go back down an sit at your desk. Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute."
Milton: "No, Mr. Lumbergh."
Peggy: "Just go sit at your desk."
Milton: "But--"
Peggy: "Okay?"
Milton: "Okay, but I-- I-- I'm gonna just-- I'm telling you right now, my desk is located in the basement."


itsmystapler.wav(164K) itsmystapler.mp3(164K) itsmystapler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "I'm just gonna have to take my stapler back. Because it's my stapler, and I told Mr.-- It's my-- It's-- It's my stapler. It's a swingline. And I've been using it for a long time. It doesn't bind up nearly as much."


heypeterman.wav(12K) heypeterman.mp3(12K) heypeterman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter, man."


itsabummerdude.wav(69K) itsabummerdude.mp3(69K) itsabummerdude.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "So, I might be going away for a while."
Lawrence: "Yeah, I know, man. It's a bummer, dude. What can I say?"


yourcornhole.wav(59K) yourcornhole.mp3(59K) yourcornhole.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter."
Peter: "Yeah?"
Lawence: "Watch out for your cornhole, bud."


thatstoastedman.wav(36K) thatstoastedman.mp3(36K) thatstoastedman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Well, you don't want that, Peter, man. That's toasted, man."


makinbucks.wav(153K) makinbucks.mp3(153K) makinbucks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, getting exercise, working outside."
Lawrence: "bleepin'-A."
Peter: "bleepin'-A."


BLEEPin-a.wav(12K) BLEEPin-a.mp3(12K) BLEEPin-a.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "bleepin'-A."


BLEEPin-a2.wav(22K) BLEEPin-a2.mp3(22K) BLEEPin-a2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "bleepin'-A."


biggrainsofsalt.wav(427K) biggrainsofsalt.mp3(427K) biggrainsofsalt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Excuse me. Excuse me, Seņor. May I speak to you, please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a piņa colada. And I said no salt-- no salt for the mararita, but it had salt on it."
Mexican Waiter (Ruperto Reyes): "Lo siento mucho, seņor. Pinche gringo."
Milton: "Lo siento? If this happens again, I won't be leaving a tip. 'Cause I could-- I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I could take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put-- I could put strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt."


strychnine.wav(42K) strychnine.mp3(42K) strychnine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "I could put-- I could put strychnine in the guacamole."


saltontheglass.wav(24K) saltontheglass.mp3(24K) saltontheglass.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt."


bonerollercoaster.wav(51K) bonerollercoaster.mp3(51K) bonerollercoaster.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Drew: "Give her a ride on the old bone roller coaster. Aaaaaah!"


backinadress.wav(49K) backinadress.mp3(49K) backinadress.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Hey, don't come back in a dress, man! You big fag!"


hootersnow.wav(40K) hootersnow.mp3(40K) hootersnow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "I'm working at Hooters now, you know, and it's very cool."

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