Russian Border Guard: "What is your objective?"
Fitz-Hume: "My objective? Well, I object to taking a girl out you know and buying her dinner and she won't put out for ya."
Russian Border Guard: "(Other Gaurd Slaps Fitz-Hume) Why are you here?"
Fitz-Hume: "Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was John Paul Sarka who once said... How do you spell Sarka? (Other guard Slaps Fitz-Hume again) Ouch! And let that be a lesson to you!"
Russian Border Guard: "Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger."
Fitz-Hume: "Mine or yours."
Russian Border Guard: "Yours"
Fitz-Hume: "Damn! (Other Gaurd Slaps Fitz-Hume again) Ow! Why are you still hitting me? He's gonna cut my fingers off."
Russian Border Guard: "You have 30 seconds."
Fitz-Hume: "You're not gonna start humming the theme to Jeparody are you?"
Russian Border Guard: "We start with the little one."
Fitz-Hume: "Alright, alright, I'm an american agent."
Russian Border Guard: "And?"
Fitz-Hume: "And uh... and uh... and uh... they... they sent me here to... to... assacinate your primere"
Russian Border Guard: "I knew it, pay up comrad."